Anger is the response to situations or events that act as triggers. We learn from our parents to expect things in life. When our expectations are not met we experience fear, anxiety or uncertainty.
Anger stems from these emotions and it starts in our head as self-talk. We may end up giving this self-talk some kind of expression, in our personal style.
Is our anger an arousal for action or an opportunity for calm thinking?
Awareness of the mental self-talking is the first step for positive anger management.
Fear of a possible threat is often the perception of a possibility, not necessarily of a real danger. Our body reacts with muscle tension, accelerated heart beat, sweat and restlessness. Unresolved anger can create physical illness.
Acting out on anger can create a negative cycle: acting out, regretting, apologising, starting again.
An alternative to acting on anger in a destructive, violent way, could be action aimed at resolving the threatening situation.
Because the issue is not the anger, the issue is the possible threat.
Anger should not be discarded, instead it needs to be used properly.
If we use anger as a reminder of a problem that needs to be dealt with, then we can choose the best course of action to seek such resolution.
Assertiveness will help discussing the problem, looking at solutions, negotiate one that could be acceptable to both parties.
Anger will then became the energy to fuel necessary positive and constructive action.